Whispered Regret
by Yggdra Yuril Artwaltz
Summary: [Angst,Yggdra x Rosary] One month after the war is over, Yggdra is torn up about everyone she had to kill. Rosary is troubled by the subtle changes in her friend's behavior... What is it that Yggdra whispers to the shadows?
1. Chapter 1

**Whispered Regret**

**Author's Notes: **zomg! My first requested fanfiction! Requested by Feral. Let's hope I did it right huh:D

**Disclaimer: **Insert generic disclaimer here

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**Chapter 1 - Confessions to the Shadows**

Queen Yggdra Yuril Artwaltz, 32nd monarch of Fantasia, and at the tender and innocent age of seventeen she had experienced battle, war, death, and killing. They always said the best soldiers were the ones would could kill without remorse, who weren't plagued by the thoughts of the people they killed of the futures they had robbed. But Yggdra was no warrior, she was a young woman who didn't want to kill, but in order to achieve her goals blood must be shed. And even if she didn't personally kill every single enemy in her path, she was directly responsible for their deaths. The burden of death weigh heavily on her mind, but during the day she was still able to smile and look happy, she had too. No one could know what Yggdra spoke to the darkness of the night...

The night was cold and dark, the moon and stars covered under a thick blanket of clouds. With the window open the room felt ice-cold and even worse whenever a breeze blew threw and chilled Yggdra to the bone, her thin nightgown offering little protection against the biting winds. But she didn't care, even though she would probably catch a cold, the night breeze kept her from falling asleep. She knew if she fell asleep, the nightmares would start again, the nightmares that had been plaguing her mind since the day the war ended. Terrible nightmares of death and blood, re-experienceing the pain of killing innocent people; the nameless citizens who formed a milita against her and died at her hands, the soldiers who only wanted to protect their homeland from invaders, the soldiers under Roswell Branthese's command and Roswell himself, General Baldus and his men, the Scarlet Princess Emilia who stood to the last to try and protect the townspeople she swore she would protect, Gulcasa the Emperor of Carnage her parent's murderer but yet Yggdra couldn't believe she had been justified in killing him, and having to kill Kylier when she was forceably revived and forced to fight against them. Each death left terrible wounds in her heart, each one deeper and more painful then the last until it felt like she was dead inside.

"Is it fair for me to be alive...? I had to kill so many innocent people... So many people who shouldn't have died! I didn't need to kill Roswell... Could I have found a peaceful solution still? Why, why did I listen to Milanor... I could've just done something else! Anything else! All those soldiers... Roswell himself, his people must hate me and loath me...

Did I have to kill that milita? That spirited girl, who even to the end thought she was right. Did I have to kill her? Would it have been better had I done nothing? Couldn't I have just been satisifed with taking Ishnad and waited for Gulcasa to attack me instead? All those people... Each one, fighting to the bitter end even though they didn't stand a chance..."

The troubled Queen looked at her hands, they were pure on the outside, but to Yggdra all she could see was the blood she had spilled with those hands. With those hands, she had wielded the Gran Centurio and used it was an excuse to carry out all those deaths. For so long she had believe "Justice lies with the Holy Sword", it kept her going and even when she killed all those people, she could believe she had done nothing wrong; the Gran Centurio was justice incarnate, it couldn't kill people who did not deserve death. But then, on Ancardia, she learned the vile truth that the Gran Centurio was nothing more then Nessiah's tool to free himself and that he himself had created it and told the Royal family all those generations ago: "Justice lies with the Holy Sword". With that truth realized, Yggdra could no longer believe what she did was just anymore, the 'divine relic' was nothing more then an evil tool that had slain countless people just so Nessiah could fulfill his twisted desires and get his revenge on the Gods.

"I'm nothing more then a murderer... Was anything I did just? Would it have been better had I just died? If I had been captured, or killed, would everything have turned out better? All those people would still be alive... So many people... So much blood would've been unshed, so many futures wouldn't have been ended so abruptly... This pain is so horrible, I haven't felt anything like it at all... So many deaths are because of me, no... Not many... All of them! All of those people! It's all my fault! None of them would've died if I hadn't done anything... If I just died in that fortress, if Milanor never found me and if I had just been killed by Luciana right then and there."

The young Queen brought a hand to her heart and winced, she was sure inside nothing was wrong, but to her it felt like her heart was straining to split in two, it felt like it wanted to rip out of her chest or just exploded and end it's miserable existence. Yggdra almost wished it would, the pain she would feel until her death came would be nothing to the pain she had caused, perhaps if she suffered before she died, she could feel she didn't cheat her way out of escaping her horrible, horrible pain. It would be so easy... So very easy to just end it all, to just kill herself.

_I... I could just... Accidently fall from my room. I couldn't survive that drop could I? No, no... It wouldn't be possible! It would be so easy... Just jump over the railing and end it all... I wouldn't even need to do that! I could just... No, no! That would be the easy way out... Is it selfish of me? To just end myself painlessly...? Would it be better if I suffered agony and pain before I met my end? Could I find peace in death then...?_

_All it would take is a simple cut... A nice deep, bleeding cut and... I could end it all... Right now..._

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:TBC:


	2. Chapter 2

**Whispered Regret**

**Author's Notes:** Thanks for the reviews. :D And, from Whitewash's, I may or may not rewrite Chapter 1 with 50 more angst! O: Possibly.

Maybe once I actually finish this whole thing and maybe make a 'revamp' where I elborate on stuff. And excuse any spelling/grammer errors. I do all my writing in WordPad. :D

Also, I'm merely assuming on how long it has been since the Verline Plains. Since you know each turn is usually a portion of the day and all... I assume it's been a while.  
OH OH! Special thanks to Feral, 'cause she requested this so without her you all wouldn't even be able to read this! O: And to Whitewash and Rasler as well.

Excuse formating issues, due to fanfiction being a pain lately, I had to improvise. I'll clean this all up once it's working properly. 3

**Disclaimer**: insert generic disclaimer here

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**Chapter 2 - Meeting**

It had been a little over a month since the end of the Yggdra War, so it had been about a few months since Yggdra had averted a potetially deadly war in the Verline Plains, unfortunantly it had a heavy price; in order to stop a bloody massacre from breaking out the Royal Army had been forced to either completely wipe out the White Rose or the Black Rose. They choose the Black Rose, and as a result Lord Roswell Branthese of Black Rose was slain leaving the Black Rose leaderless and rather ruined from the clash of the Black Rose and Royal Army. It did however mean the White Rose was betrayed by the Empire and their scion, Rosary Esmeralda, was forced to flee her manor to avoid capture until the Royal Army came to her aid and rescued her. It had been nearly three months since that day, and it so happened today was the anniversry of Roswell's death.

Rosary and Roswell had never really been that close in their later years, but Rosary still made a point to pay her respects to his grave. Mainly out of guilt, it was her and his pride that led to his death, had both of them put it aside and not craved the power of the Ankhs, no one would've had to die.

_Ugh... Those damn Ankhs. Still, I do have to give credit to that Nessiah for orchestrating the whole thing... Me and Roswell were completely focused on getting the other's Ankh, I doubted if a God had descented to earth me and him wouldn't have even noticed..._

The scion of White Rose was walking alone, she had ditched her entourge of witches in the city of Marvel about half-way between the White Rose and Black Rose territories, in her hands was a bouqet of flowers that she planned to lay on Roswell's grave when she went to pay her respects. They had buried the lord of the Black Rose near his manor, and the scion could probably find it with her eyes blindfolded. But she was very suprised to see someone else at Roswell's grave, someone she hadn't seen since the end of the Yggdra War. In front of the tombstone was a blonde haired girl, with a silver tiara positioned perfectly on her head, the silky looking blonde hair was braided in a few places near the tiara and the girl wore a dress with a black corset and a frilly skirt, with other little decorations and such here and there. In the girl's hand was a golden scepter and in the other flowers that she placed neatly on the grave. The witch couldn't see the girl's face, but she knew who it was; the tiara was a dead give away, but Rosary could recognize the girl even without it.

"Yggdra? What are you doing here?"

The Queen of Fantasia seemed to 'perk up' at the sound of the witch's voice and turned her head to look at Rosary with a curious expression on her face. If the scion didn't know any better, Yggdra was suprised to see Rosary here.

"Rosary? I could ask you the same thing, couldn't I? I'm merely paying my respects to Roswell...", the blonde's voice turned sorrowful as she mentioned Roswell, and Rosary knew why, Yggdra had been the one who killed Roswell, "Is that why are you here as well?"

"Yeah, it's been three months since that day now... But it feels like yesterday, doesn't it?" spoke the scion softly as she walked over to Yggdra's side and lay the flowers on the grave as well

"I suppose it does, tell me Rosary, how have you been? I'm sorry I haven't been able to visit you or anything..."

"Ah, don't worry. I know you're busy. I've been a bit busy myself, but nothing more then I'm used too.", the witch paused and looked around, "You came alone?"

"Why yes. Is that unusual?" inquired Yggdra curiously

"Well yes it is! You know there are still bandits around here! What if any of them saw you? I mean, you do stick out like a sore thumb, anyone could recognize you as the Queen of Fantasia in just a glance. And you don't have the Gran Centurio anymore and I'm pretty sure you can't use the Scepter as weapon either... It's a thing of wisdom, not battle." pointed out the witch scoldingly

"You misunderstand. I came to Roswell's grave alone, but I didn't come all the way here alone. I left my bodyguards in Marvel... And I could say the same to you, I bet you ditched your witches in Marvel too, didn't you?"

"Er... Well...", Rosary let out a soft sigh and shrugged, "Ok, ok I did. I didn't even want them to come along in the first place, but they insisted so..."

"Hahaha... I know how you feel, they insisted as well pointing out the same things you did. Looks like our protecters think alike don't they?", said the Queen smiling softly, "This seems a little odd to be talking in front of Roswell's grave... Want to go sit underneath that tree?"

"Sounds great, it'd be better to sit down and talk then stand wouldn't it?"

Yggdra nodded in agreement and Rosary followed, but as she did she noticed something... Odd. Now Yggdra was always a bit pale and a frail looking girl, she remembered how suprised she was when she saw the girl manage to lift and use such a large sword like the Gran Centurio with her skinny arms, but as the scion looked at her Yggdra looked even more frail, and her skin seemed paler then usual.

_Is she sick or something?_

"Hey Yggdra, you don't look so well. Are you feeling ok?"

"Huh? Of course I'm fine, do I look sick?" inquired the girl, trying to sound hurt

"Well it's just you look pale... Paler then usual anyway. Plus when you were walking well... Something just seemed off, that's all."

"It's just your imagination." pointed out Yggdra impatiently waving her hand, "I'm fine."

"Ok, ok. If you say s-", Rosary stopped midsentence as she noticed something white just barely peeking out of Yggdra's sleeve, the blonde seemed to take notice and quickly put her hand behind her back, "What was that?"

"N-nothing, w-why? Did you see something?" squeeked Yggdra, it was obvious she was hiding something from her tone of voice

"You're hiding something from me...", stated the scion taking a few steps to get closer to Yggdra, "... Aren't you?"

"N-no of course n-not...", said the young Queen nervously as Rosary's pale red eyes stared angerily into Yggdra's softer pale blue eyes

"If you aren't hiding anything, then why don't you give me your hand then?"

"Uh... W-well, uhm..." studdered Yggdra nervously looking away to break Rosary's angry gaze

In that time Rosary quickly reached out and grabbed the girl's right arm tightly and pulled it forward as Yggdra yelped at the sudden movement. In a flash the scion had pulled up the right sleeve of Yggdra's dress and examined the badly placed bandages on the girl's wrists. They were obviously done by someone with next to no skill at all in tying a bandage and it took only a few seconds for Rosary to unraval them... And gasp at what lay beneath.

"Yggdra... Why...?" said the witch slowly and carefully, looking Yggdra straight in the eye, "Why did you do this...?"

On the blonde's right wrist was a series of horizontal scars, it didn't take a genius to figure out what they were for and who did them. Rosary was only glad Yggdra didn't know the proper way to slit one's wrists, had she made a vertical cut instead... Rosary might not be speaking to the Yggdra alive.

"I... I... P-please Rosary you... You can't tell anyone... I just... I..." said the blonde, choking back tears as they began to well up in her eyes

"How could you! How could you even think of doing this! Yggdra, do you have any idea what you could've done!? You could've killed yourself! Why would you do this!? Tell me!" demanded the witch angerily gripping Yggdra by the shoulders and shaking her

"You just don't understand Rosary!" screamed the young Queen as she began to cry

"Don't understand what!? I understand perfectly! You tried to kill yourself, what is there to understand! Why would you do this! Why!?" yelled the scion, louder then before

"Listen to me! You just don't understand! **You don't understand!!**" screamed Yggdra louder then before

Suddenly the young Queen managed to free herself from Rosary's grip and as the tears streamed down her face she ran off, dodging the witch's attempt to regain her grip on her friend.

"**Yggdra**! Come back!"

_You were too hard on her... Dammit! I have to catch her before she tries that again... Or worse, bandits find her!_

Quicky the scion of White Rose ran after Yggdra, whom despite her long skirt and formal clothing was rather good at running in that dress. But Rosary wasn't about to give up, she was going to catch Yggdra and have her tell her why she tried to commit suicide, Rosary had to know.  



	3. Chapter 3

**Whisper Regret**

**Author's Notes: **Sorry about how long this took... I've just been suffering from a combonation of writer's block and lack of motiviation to do anything. Gomen, gomen.

**Disclaimer: Insert here**

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**Chapter 3 - Sunset Spot**

Rosary was seriously regreting her decision to not have brought her witches along, had they been there they could've grabbed Yggdra before she fled. Hell, if Yggdra's maidens were there they could've stopped her too!

_But no use dwelling on the past... Can't change what's already happened._

She at least wish she brought her broom. Now the witch wasn't in bad physical shape, but she certainly wasn't used to having to run when she could just fly around on her broom. On the other hand, Yggdra had fought on foot for the entire Yggdra War wielding the Gran Centurio; there was no denying the younger girl had considerable more stamina then the older. Which hit Rosary in the face like a cold blast of ice when she had to stop to catch her breath, with a groan she mentally swore.

"Huff, huff... Dammit I... ha, ha... Lost sight of her... Where could she... ha, ha... Be...?"

The scion of White Rose wasn't very familiar with the Black Rose territory, she knew enough to get around but now she had to think of any likely places someone would take shelter in. The witch frowned as she scanned the immediate area, she knew the general direction Yggdra had taken so...

"... Could it be...?", the scion frowned as she thought, "It seems the most likely... But, damn... Never thought I'd be having to go back there..."

The sun was beginning to set as the young blonde Queen of Fantasia took a seat underneath the shade of a rather large and impressive tree. The tree seemed normal enough but... It just somehow seemed different from all the other ones scattered about the plains, she wasn't sure but she figured it was considerably bigger then the others around. The spot Yggdra had fled to seemed normal enough, it was a nice cliff that gave an excellent view of the sun setting as it dipped below the Lennesy Mountains.

"Rosary is going to be so mad at me..." muttered the blonde to herself

"Damn right I'm going to be. You should get such a spanking for running off on me like that."

"R-Rosary...!" gasped the Queen nearly jumping up, if not for the fact Rosary's hands were resting on her shoulders' holding her down, the blonde weakly looked up to see the witch grinning at her

"Seems I was right. Now come on, be a good girl and behave. Don't run off on me like that again, alright? You nearly gave me a heart attack... and at my young age!", the scion let out an annoyed sigh, "You must've taken ten years off my life.", the witch was trying to sound serious but Yggdra could obviously tell the older girl was toying with her especially by the tone of her voice, "If I get some grey hairs from you from this I'm going to just cry myself into a little hole..."

"I-I'm s-sorry... It's just I..."

"So, are you ready to talk about it now? You know I'll listen to you." inquired the witch taking a seat by Yggdra

"... Yeah. You'll be the only one I've ever told..."

Yggdra folded her hands in her lap as she rested her head against the bark of the tree. Rosary sat next to her, her pale red eyes full of curiousity as her full attention was focused on her young friend. The blonde was silent for quite a while, carefully rehersing her little 'speech' in her head until she took a deep breath.

"Well, it's not like I've been like this for a long time... After the war ended, I was my normal self, I guess I was just too busy having to plan what to do now that the war was over I guess. But as I got more freetime, I suppose what I had really done during that entire war began to really sink it. You know I'm not a soldier, I just was well... Desperate. A guess it was easy to fight a war when you're a small rebel army fighting against a larger, oppressive empire right?

I still felt bad whenever I had to kill anyone but... Well, Milanor and Durant did most of the fighting, I pitched in from time to time but really, I was still very scared of taking another human life. But as the battles grew larger and I got so much closer to my goal I just... Put that aside, I decided I had to do this, Durant and Milanor just couldn't fight this entire thing for me; they were risking their lives, all those soldiers risked their lives for me. I wanted to help, even if just a little so I put aside the fact I was killing human beings who had their own lives, they were just fighting for their own families...

It became easier then, killing people that is. I guess it wasn't until Kylier's words at Ishnad and the militia uprising until I realized now what was going on. Before we were fighting to take back our own land, but now we were invaders; I had suddenly become Bronquia. I was invading people's homes and they wanted to protect their loved ones... It was so hard to kill those people, at least with the soldiers they knew their duty was to fight and give their lives, but these people were just everyday commoners, they barely knew how to fight yet... They fought to the bitter end, even if they didn't stand a chance.

But I was still able to bury it deep down inside me, I couldn't falter so late on, everyone was doing everything for me; I couldn't break down then and there, I had to be strong and guard my heart from the horrible pain I was inflicting on so many people. So I guess, once the war was over and I finally had free time, I suddenly was overcome with horrible feelings of guilt and despair. I couldn't believe what I had done, I haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks I've been using some make-up to try and cover it up, and I guess it's been working since no one seemed to notice any change at all.

It wasn't until last night that I even tried to...", the Queen faltered here as she swallowed a lump in her throat, "I tried to... kill myself... I just wanted the feelings to go away, I didn't want to feel so guilty and depressed anymore, I just thought maybe if I died... All those people I killed would be at peace, that they could finally stop tormenting my sleep...", Yggdra chuckled weakly, "I'm such a weak little girl... I can't do anything on my own... I'm such a coward..."

"Yggdra... You're not weak..."

"Yes I am! I just wanted to take the easy way out!"

"You're not weak! There aren't many girls your age who could've done what you did, you inspired so many people to lie down their lives for your cause, they believed in you so strongly they were willing to die to see you smile. I know I did, even if I didn't owe you my life for what you did at Verline, I would've fought just to see you smile..."

"Rosary..." squeaked Yggdra her eyes beginning to water

"Not many people could've done the other things you did either. You prevented Brongaa from being revived, had he been revived by Gulcasa well... We'd all be dead right now wouldn't we?", Rosary chuckled, "And if Nessiah had started Ragnarok, it'd be safe to assume we'd all also be dead. And look, you gave up the Gran Centurio, you abandoned the weapon that gave you comfort and strength, not only that you even turned away from the phrase that had been the very foundation of Fantasia.", the scion paused a moment for effect as she spoke the phrase Nessiah had told the royal family generations ago, "'Justice lies with the Holy Sword'. You told me before, you used that very phrase to justify what had been done. You believed that the Holy Sword could only be used to slay the 'unjust', even when you had to kill the militia you still believed that."

"I was so weak... I relied on that for everything didn't I...?"

"It doesn't matter. You were able to give it up. There aren't many people who could've done that, giving up the Gran Centurio to you would've been like me giving up all the magic I have, and forever giving up the ability to even use magic ever again. I couldn't have done it, I'm much to reliant on magic now. But you can, I don't care what anyone else thinks. Too me, you're the strongest person in the entire land, no one else is stronger then you Yggdra."

"Rosary...", the blonde girl wiped at her eyes as the tears were welling up, "Thank you... So very much... I..."

"Come on now, don't cry.", the scion leaned over and wiped a stray tear that had rolled down Yggdra's cheek, "Look. The sun's setting, why don't we watch?"

"O-ok Rosary..."

Rosary couldn't have been any happier right now. She had prevented her friend from killing herself, plus she was so very close to her... Yggdra was laying down on the grass, her head resting on Rosary's lap as the two friends gazed at the setting sun. Anywhere the sun would look so beautiful setting, as it slowly dipped below the mountaintops, but right now the scion of White Rose couldn't believe the sun could be anymore beautiful setting.

"Rosary... How did you know I'd be here...?"

"Huh? Oh. Lucky guess really. You see... This place, I used to come here a lot with Roswell when we were children. Our relationship was well, a lot better back then, we'd watch the sunset here after we'd play. This place holds a lot of old memories for me, I just assumed you'd be drawn here.", the witch shrugged, "It's not magical, but I guess that tree here really draws people to it. I've found so many travelers resting beneath it's branches."

"Is it ok for me to be here...?" asked Yggdra

"Why wouldn't it be ok for you to be here?"

"Well... You know I did - "

"Just because you killed Roswell? Don't even think about it. I'm sure if he was alive, he'd have no problems with you being here. Don't ever dwell on the past like that, you can't live in the present if you're always living in the past."

"But... This place was special to him and you..."

"So? It can be special to me and you now too. I'd like that a lot, I need more cheerful memories of our friendship.", the honey brown-haired girl smiled, "The highlights of our friendship aren't normal at all. I'm sure most people didn't meet their friends during a life and death situation!"

"Hahaha... Yes, that's true. But it certainly made our friendship strong didn't it?"

"Of course! I would've never changed anything about how we met, I'm glad I met you Yggdra."

"I'm glad too Rosary."

The sun was beginning to dip out of sight, as the night's stars began to poke their heads out. Rosary felt the younger girl's body begin to relax a bit more, she wondered if Yggdra was thinking or beginning to fall asleep. Either way, she wouldn't care, having the blonde so close to her was just a dream come true. Before long, it was confirmed Yggdra had fallen asleep when she heard gentle yet steady breathing. Smiling to herself the witch looked down at the sleeping angel in her lap.

"Yggdra... You're my little angel... I wish I had just a little bit of your strength, if I did maybe I could tell you this without you being asleep...", the witch gently stroked Yggdra's hair, "I like you Yggdra. Not just friend like but... I really like you...", the scion sighed as she ran a hand through her own hair, "Who am I kidding? I don't just like you, I love you. But I guess it's for the best if you don't know... I couldn't even imagine how - "

"I love you too." muttered the Queen as her eye's fluttered open and she turned to look at Rosary with a smile

_**Fin**_

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**Closing Notes: **Whoot! Done! Now I need to get a new fic going... I might re-write parts of this if you think some parts need brushing up on ;o

Remember! If you have a request, that doesn't conflict with my Yggdra x Rosary, feel free to ask me! Via e-mail or whatever. p


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